Books · creative writing · Writing

The First Test

Alright guys, this is the first full chapter of my new book and because it’s being written for NaNoWriMo I can’t go back and edit it yet but I can get some feedback so that I know what I need to change when I do go back to edit so please read and leave some comments on what you think I could make better for the chapter.

This chapter gives a good look at the interaction between the three main characters and how they live together and get along even though they are so different.



He sits in the cell and listens to what Danielle has to say still in a state of shock at having her standing there in front of him.

“Sebastien, you must bring my daughters back safely and defeat Satan once and for all. Can you do that for me?” She asks. He takes a deep breath and nods before taking the knife from her hand.

“I will not fail this time.” He tells her before bringing the dagger up and driving it into his chest. He doesn’t feel any pain as their spirits get separated from the body. He closes his eyes as they float away, up to Earth to start their new life. After a few minutes they stop moving and Sebastien opens his eyes to see that they are stuck in a black and white world. There are a few people there but they are wandering aimlessly, some are crying, and others are trying to get people’s attention.

“Sebastien, where are we?” Katherine asks from the back of his mind. He looks around more before answering.

“I believe we are in Limbo. Which means that I am going to be put through a test.” He answers. Then he feels the presence behind him that he had been dreading since he started losing his faith in Hell. “Sir, I’m sorry.” He apologizes. His back is straighter and stiff and he doesn’t dare to turn around as he waits for the wrath of his Father but it doesn’t happen so he slowly turns toward him.

“Why are you apologizing, Sebastien?” He demands. Sebastien lowers his head and wrings his hands.

“I failed my mission.” He explains.

“I know. I didn’t expect you to be able to succeed at this but I thought that you would at least have the strongest will to push through even when things got hard. Why did you stop praying, Sebastien?” His Father asks. Sebastien gasps and his eyes widen.

“I…I didn’t even realize that I had stopped.” He explains. He could feel his Father’s anger building up.

“You lost your faith. You are still an angel whether you have your wings or not and you must keep your faith or you will be cast down and become fully human. If that is what you want I will let you have it but I have a feeling you have a different mission that you need to fulfill, is that right?” He asks. Sebastien nods and raises his head to look at his Father.

“Yes, sir. Danielle has asked me to help her daughter and then bring both of her daughters back safely.” He answers. His Father smiles but then a stern look falls over his face.

“Yes. You will do that task but I need to know that you are still faithful. You are right that this is a test. I will give you two weeks to find a comfortable spot in Limbo and you can talk to the girls but don’t talk to any of the other spirits for those two weeks but then you must sit still and reflect for the rest of two years. You will seek Revelation and reflect on the things you have done and I expect to hear you praying every day. I might end it early if you can show me that you are serious. No talking to the girls during that period either. Do you understand your test?” His Father asks. Sebastien nods again.

“Yes, sir.” He replies. His Father smiles and then disappears. Sebastien lets out a sigh of relief and looks around again.

“I guess it’s time to search for a comfortable place to rest for two years. Maybe someplace where I can watch the human world pass by without having to move.” Sebastien comments. He sighs and starts walking around Limbo looking for that comfortable spot. He wanders for the two weeks and finally on the last day he finds a spot on a bench in a park. He takes his seat on the bench and takes a deep breath to still himself and prepare for a long time of reflection. He closes his eyes and focuses on putting a wall up between him and the girls so that they can’t distract him. He opens them again to see dogs running around in the park and he smiles. “If this is my view every day I may never want to leave.” He comments. He closes his eyes and starts with a prayer for forgiveness.

“Father, please forgive me for I have failed you and my brothers. I lost my faith at a time when it was the one thing that I needed the most. Through this time of reflection and seeking Revelation, I am sure that I will come to realize how incredibly important faith was in every situation I was thrown into. Amen.” He keeps his eyes closed and starts his reflection over the things he has done.


“Sebastien.” His Father’s voice pulls him out of a trance. He shoots to his feet and lowers his head.

“Yes, sir?” He asks. It has only been six months and yet his Father was making an appearance.

“Raise your head, you know that you don’t have to bow to me.” His Father says. Sebastien stands tall and looks his Father in the eyes. “You have done well. I am ending the test early because I know that you have strengthened your faith. I will give you whatever resources you need to complete the task that you have been given. What do you think you might need?” He asks. Sebasiten’s eyes widen in surprise before he clears his throat and starts thinking. He hears a knock at the wall in his mind and he quickly lets it down to hear what Kathryn has to say.

“We are going to need a lot of angels. I know that there are already demons planted around waiting for Elisabeth to show but we need to beat them to the chase. We need an angel who would be comfortable as a teacher and then two more who would be comfortable as students, preferably a male and a female.” She says. Sebastien nods and looks at his Father.

“Hmm. That’s an interesting list. Why a male and a female?” He asks.

“I want to make the school as believable as possible so that she won’t figure out right away that we are planted there for her. They need to be a couple, maybe two that are already in a relationship so that it’s even more believable. I know the angels don’t just sit around and do nothing up in Heaven so there’s bound to be someone who fits, right?” She says.

“Yes. I know the perfect pair and I will be sending an angel as the teacher but he is kind of new and might be a bit standoffish toward you, try not to make him an enemy. Who knows, maybe he will turn out to be your mate later on down the road. This first time, I’ll let you be the judge of it and if you don’t like him then I’ll assign you a different one. Is that okay?” His Father asks. Sebastien nods with wide eyes.

“Yes, sir. That’s great. Where are you going to plant us though?” He asks. His Father gives him a sly grin.

“Well, you’ve all got some kind of issues with authority that need to be corrected so I’ve found the perfect school for you.” He explains as he touches Sebastien’s forehead and transports to the front of a school. The gate looms tall over them and the sign clearly reads ‘Black Crow Correctional School’.

“Okay. How long will it take to make a faculty change and place the other two?” Sebastien asks. His Father stops to think for a second.

“End of day tomorrow and then tests will start shortly thereafter. Would you like me to station any other angels outside of the school?” He asks.

“At the hospital. I feel like people are going to end up going there a lot, especially with the tests they are going to have to go through.” Sebastien responds. His Father nods and then places his hand on Sebastien’s shoulder.

“Stay strong in your faith. I am going to give you more power, use it wisely and don’t over exert yourself, while you cannot be killed you can still be damaged beyond repair and unable to be on the battlefield and that is not an option in this situation.” Sebastien just nods his head. His Father places his hand to Sebastien’s forehead and Sebastien closes his eyes as he feels new power flow through him. Once his Father’s hand is removed he takes a step back and a great white light shoots from all over his body as the power gets fully absorbed into him. After a few seconds the light goes away and Sebastien steps forward again.

“Thank you, sir.” He says. His Father nods with a smile before disappearing. Sebastien looks toward the sky and then back at the tall wrought iron gate.

“I guess we better get going. Our name is probably already in the records.” He comments as he walks to the side and opens the smaller pedestrian gate.

“This should be fun.” Katherine comments as she watches through Sebastien’s eyes. Sebastien lets out a small chuckle as he makes his way up to the first building. He looks around for a label but there isn’t one.

“Geez, this place is like a ghost town.” He comments while turning and looking around to see only a few students walking quietly by themselves.

“Aren’t there any labels on the buildings?” Kathryn asks as she sits forward and also looks through Sebastien’s eyes. He looks around so that they can both see the unlabeled buildings. “What an awful color.” Kathryn comments as she sits back again. The buildings are a puke green and then the buildings that are dorms are painted baby blue and hot pink.

“I have to agree with you. I would prefer something not so bright.” Sebastien says as he continues walking through the main part of the campus. He finally sees a building with a wall of windows along the front with a secretary desk at the front. “Looks like I found it. I wonder how the people are here.” He comments as he makes his way inside and up to the desk.

“Excuse me, is this where I check in?” He asks politely. The woman behind the desk glares up at him.

“What class are you going into?” She asks. She watches him carefully while chewing her gum.

“I don’t think I understand the question.” He replies. She rolls her eyes and leans forward with her elbows resting on the desk.

“Well, it’s pretty simple here. You’ve either beaten people up or you’ve killed people. If you’ve only beaten people up and just need minor corrections you can go ahead to the first window for your packet and key. If you’ve killed people you need to go to the real window on the other side and get your packet and shock collar.” She explains in an annoyed tone. Sebastien gasps and he feels his eyes widen a bit.

“A shock collar?! Isn’t that a bit excessive?” Katherine complains. Sebastien nods and looks at the woman.

“Thank you for your help.” He says before walking away to the bulletproof glass window. He smiles when he reaches it. “Hello, I’m here to check in.” He tells the woman behind the window. She glares up at him too and he starts to feel annoyed.

“Name?” The woman asks. He takes a deep breath to keep his anger in check before answering.

“Sebastien.” He says. She looks through the files until she finds his name. She looks at it for a second before looking up at him.

“No last name?” She asks. He shakes his head.

“I’m afraid not.” He answers. She slides his folder through the small slot under the window and he takes it from her.

“There is a paper in there that we need you to fill out. It says that you understand why you’re here.” The woman explains. Sebastien nods and opens the folder to the first sheet where he sees a list of his “issues” that landed him in a correctional school.

“Explosive anger, schizophrenia, depression…that sounds about right.” He comments as he pulls a pen from the cup outside of the window.

“You don’t have schizophrenia though.” Kathryn comments. Sebastien smiles as he finishes signing and hands the sheet back under the window.

“Yes, well the humans don’t know that.” He replies as he walks out of the building. He unclips the shock collar and places it around his neck.

“Ugh. That thing is so annoying. And what’s the deal with always having to wear black, it’s like they want kids to feel like they are in a prison.” Katherine complains. Sebastien smiles as he makes his way up to the baby blue building. He pulls his room key out of the folder and reads the number, 211. He opens the door and starts making his way up the stairs before responding.

“Why are you complaining? You wear black all the time anyway plus it’s not like we’re actually here for school. We will probably be allowed to do whatever we want once our plan goes into action. We just have to keep a low profile until we find her. That means that we probably won’t be able to separate except in the privacy of our room. We probably shouldn’t even separate in front of the angels that are being sent.” He says. Katherine groans in response.

“Why can’t we separate in front of them? I won’t be able to take being cooped up in here for hours on end. You know how we were after those two years and now we are really restless and we need a lot of time to stretch our legs but we can’t be too far away from you or else it puts a strain on the bond between us.” She complains again. Sebastien sighs as he reaches the door numbered 211. He unlocks the door and pushes it open to find bare white walls, a barred window, a dresser, and a rusty cot with a ripped up mattress on it. He sighs and walks in and before he can get the door all the way closed Katherine and Kathryn jump out and stand on their own two feet for the first time in about 3 years.

“Oh thank…God.” Kathryn hesitates as she takes in the room with her own eyes. Katherine does the same thing and they both turn to Sebastien with their jaws on the floor.

“Hell no. I refuse to stay in this room.” Katherine yells as she stomps toward the door.

“You aren’t a princess here, Katherine. You will need to learn to live with what you are given even if it is a crappy walk in closet sized room.” Sebastien tells her as he moves to sit down on the cot. Kathryn sighs and sits down next to him.

“Sebastien? Could you braid my hair?” She asks as she gives him the puppy dog face. He laughs and motions for her to turn around.

“Of course.” He says as he starts running his fingers through the young girls ratty, greasy hair.

“So, why can’t we separate in front of them again?” Katherine asks as she leans against the bars on the window. Sebastien smiles and nods while starting to twist Kathryn’s hair.

“They are new angels. Probably the weirdest they have seen is a human possession. I don’t think they would know what to do if they saw us and what we are. I’m sure we can show them in time but definitely not in our first meeting. The recruits might end up getting cold feet.” He explains. Katherine nods in understanding before turning to look out the window.

“I hope things happen quickly because I don’t know how long I can stand to be here like this.” She comments. Sebastien nods in agreement as he ties the end of Kathryn’s braid and pats her back.

“All finished.” He tells her. She smiles and gives him a big bear hug.

“Thank you. I love it when you braid my hair, it always helps me to relax.” She says as her voice gets softer and she drifts off to sleep on Sebastien’s shoulder. He smiles and lays the young girl down on the far side of the mattress next to the wall.

“Maybe we should all get some rest. I’ll sleep on the floor so please make yourself comfortable.” He tells Katherine. Katherine nods and then yawns with a big stretch and walks over to the bed. She lays down on her side behind Kathryn and instantly falls asleep. Sebastien leans against the metal frame of the cot and closes his eyes, hoping for a better day tomorrow.


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